During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
its liver damage thursday
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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