Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize