just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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