I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize