I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
