all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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