I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
