end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
