So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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