so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i love accidental penises.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
