someone get that fucking seahorse.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
