Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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