We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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