She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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