Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
