Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
