He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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