haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
