I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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