They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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