i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
