I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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