So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Swine flu is the new snow day.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
