Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think your dad took our porno
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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