I cannot find my penis.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
