you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
