I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize