Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
MIDGETS
????
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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