I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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