my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
