i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
