Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
