I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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