Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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