I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
