I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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