I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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