i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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