every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize