her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize