Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
why do cheetos always look like penises
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
