that's an acceptable place to lick
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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