my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize