i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
