...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
