R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
