you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
