Tell her she can't have a vagina
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
