im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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