Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
