Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
