Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
