Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize