Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
