Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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