it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
