I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
