shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
