I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize