Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
