I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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