Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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