my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
