A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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