dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
